Contentment for 2019

Here we are at the end of another year and 2019 is just around the corner. As I think about the beginning of a new year and what that means for us all, I can't help but wonder what's in store for me and my family in 2019. If I'm being honest, 2018 was brutal. Maybe the word brutal is an understatement. This year started off for me with a pretty intense migraine that seemed to last for several days. I was sick more times this year that I have been in past years. I lost my grandmother in March and experienced some pretty tough emotions along with making some hard choices with her and my granddaddy in mind. Losing him in 2014 really changed my world and losing her just 4 years later increased the crater-sized hole in my heart of the raw grief I had to go thru missing them more than I could ever put into words. I have learned a lot about myself in 2018. God has definitely been working overtime on my heart. My family faces unique challenges that make each day sometimes  downright difficult. I move forward with a brave, positive and happy face on the outside but those who know me best know it's not always puppies, sunshine and rainbows. Over 2 years ago, I set some pretty big hairy audacious goals for my family that have taken a front row seat in my mind. So much so that I tend to obsess and over analyze things in my head which is just not healthy. This is the overtime work God has been doing in my life, heart and mind. I'm learning to adapt and I'm having to put on my grown-up hat. When you enter your 40s, you begin to realize a lot more than when you were in your 20s and 30s. So with that in mind, I had to let go those goals I wanted for my family and learn to sacrifice my inner wants for what's best for my family. That is where the subject of this blog, Contentment, comes into play. My goals and dreams alone don't always match what God has planned for my life. Anyone else relate to what I'm saying?

Just last month, I told my husband that I had been thinking about some of the things we were working towards together, things I had been harping on for a long time. These are things (remember my big hairy audacious goals?) I really, truly wanted for my family. They had been on the forefront of lots of deep conversations. As time went on and I saw how the dreams I wanted seemed to be an uphill battle, I found that it's only what I truly wanted. These things were not actually going to benefit my family in ways I had thought they would. I saw the extra strain it was placing on my husband thinking he would be happy regardless and I started to see it wasn't right. Looking back now, I do believe God was opening my eyes to all of this and showing me how it was taking us off the plan He had for us. Ever notice when it's God's will and timing, things are effortless and the pieces just fall into place? When you find yourself in an uphill battle struggling to make your plans a reality only to wear yourself out in the process, it just doesn't seem like the right thing. It doesn't come easy, it can be downright difficult and pretty much feel practically impossible. This where you have to take a giant leap back, assess the situation and ask yourself, is this really what's best? If it's so hard, is it really the right path?? I believe God doesn't necessarily make things in our life easy (He was us to lean on Him), but when you start to understand what you're doing is against where He wants to take you, you know it's not His purpose.

Back to contentment. I knew that I needed to make a change. A change I needed to make that was not easy for me to admit. I knew I could no longer push for something that didn't feel right for my family. When I told my husband I felt our plans were outside of where God wanted us and I didn't feel right about continuing, it felt in that moment like a light came out of nowhere. It was his face. He lit up with peace. He lit up with what seemed like a burden had been lifted. At the same time, I had this wonderful feeling deep down inside. My own burden had lifted as well. We felt peace, true peace. There are things I always feel like we need to have or things we should be doing to make our life richer as far as experiences go. It's not a keeping up with the Jone's so-to-speak. It's that feeling you get in anticipation when you're waiting on that package to be delivered and when it finally arrives, you find the anticipation waning and then you're thinking about the next thing you need. It just feels like it's not enough and you're always longing for something you don't have instead of appreciating the things right in front of you.

When you are living in a state of contentment, you find happiness in what you have. You learn to love where you are and where you're going. You don't really anticipate your next move, because you are enjoying where you are. You find you are happy, feeling joyful, feeling peaceful, feeling calmness and it feels just as should.

Many years ago, I saw a friend share on Facebook her word for the new year. I thought it was cool to actually have a word, a theme for the year. That year I chose Believe. I was working for a network marketing company at the time and had some goals in mind so naturally so I felt this word was fitting for the time. As it turns out, I never really focused too much on that word through out the year. The year went on and I learned a lot that year, but nothing really panned on as far as my goals and the word I had chosen for that year. Another year went by, same thing. Since then I haven't put much thought into a yearly theme. This year and right now (especially over the past few months), I do believe God is working on me to accomplish some pretty great things in 2019. I have been mulling over some different words for 2019 and where I think God is taking me in terms of what he's teaching me.

My goals for 2019: to have a more calm, warm, peaceful home-life; to be content with what I have and where I am right now; and to be happy and have true peace. For me all of these things tie into the word Contentment. As I think more on this word and what it means, I actually couldn't think of a better word to carry me into 2019. I am a big work in progress. God obviously has His work cut out for Him, but He is a big God and NOTHING is too impossible for Him.

So here we go on the Road to Contentment in 2019. Join me, won't you?